Rock
Scissors
Fuck
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
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