4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
