and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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