Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
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