i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Two words: nipple clamps
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