I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
