o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
