hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
