i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
