just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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