I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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