Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
