Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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