If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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