I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
