Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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