NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
