it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
