Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Screwed.edu
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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