My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
