Don't you send me to vm
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
