I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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