Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
