I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
