hotel room ftw
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Randomize
