just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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