im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
