i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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