I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
