so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
