she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
