Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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