At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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