Got a toothbrush?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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