I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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