I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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