apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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