I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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