I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
vagina is talking i cant
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
