it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
party gras won. party gras always wins.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
