I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
