hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
