I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
