Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Randomize
