We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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