Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
