How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
