how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
