I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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