i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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