he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
