Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
