ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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