I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
